Two Snazzy Uncles Killing to The Beat
by TexanTessa
Summary: A casual meeting between two uncles goes horribly wrong as bonds are tested and lies are uncovered
1. Chapter 1

Two Snazzy Uncles Killing to the Beat

A Short Story

by Texan Tessa

Ben Dover looked at the dickly penis in his hands and felt sexually frustrated.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his shiney surroundings. He had always hated sweaty Rose's Forehead with its outrageous, obnoxious oceans. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel sexually frustrated.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Barbra Luv. Barbra was a snooty sex god with slimy thighs and greasy eyelashes.

Ben gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a brutal, violent, afternoon tea drinker with curvaceous thighs and vast eyelashes. His friends saw him as a slow, squealing satan. Once, he had even helped a small old lady armpits cross the road.

But not even a brutal person who had once helped a small old lady armpits cross the road, was prepared for what Barbra had in store today.

The storm teased like rampaging blob fish, making Ben fuzzy.

As Ben stepped outside and Barbra came closer, he could see the graceful glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want passion in the relationship," Barbra bellowed, in a pessimistic tone. He slammed his fist against Ben's chest, with the force of 6052 elephants. "I frigging hate you, Ben Dover."

Ben looked back, even more fuzzy and still fingering the dickly penis. "Barbra, I love your bum," he replied.

They looked at each other with unstable feelings, like two frail, fantastic flamingos having sex at a very psychic funeral, which had indie music playing in the background and two snazzy uncles killing to the beat.

Suddenly, Barbra lunged forward and tried to punch Ben in the face. Quickly, Ben grabbed the dickly penis and brought it down on Barbra's skull.

Barbra's slimy thighs trembled and his greasy eyelashes wobbled. He looked shook, his body raw like a broad, breezy bum.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Barbra Luv was dead.

Ben Dover went back inside and made himself a nice drink of afternoon tea.

THE END


	2. Chapter 2

Barbra the Vampire Slayer

A Teen Vampire Story

by Texan Tessa

There's a virtuous new boy in Brighton and he has everybody talking. Stunningly flabby and devastatingly bald, all the boys want him. However, Ben Dover has a secret - he's a snooty vampire.

Barbra Luv is an understanding, hairy boy who enjoys collecting blind peoples art. He becomes fascinated by Ben who can stop textbooks with his bare hands. He doesn't understand why he's so standoffish.

His best friend, a bold mermaid called Texan, helps Barbra begin to piece together the puzzle. Together, they discover the ultimate weapon - the dickly, curvatous ak-47.

When bodies start turning up all over Brighton, Barbra begins to fear the worst. The mermaid urges her to report Ben to the police and he knows he should, so what's stopping him?

He may resist Ben's bite, but can he resist his charms?

Will he be caught rampaging with the vampire?


	3. Chapter 3

The Mangled Balls

A Crime Thriller

by Texan Tessa

Mangled balls have been turning up all over England and the inhabitants are scared. Ten murders in ten weeks, all committed with a ak-47, and still nobody has a clue who the snooty killer is.

Mr Barbra Luv is a Curvatious and snazzy nurse with a fondness for a collect of blind peoples artwork. He doesn't know it yet but he is the only one who can stop the snotty killer.

When his Boyfriend, Ben Dover, is kidnapped, Mr Luv finds himself thrown into the centre of the investigation. His only clue is a slimy bed.

He enlists the help of a smooth like molasses sewage cleaner called Texan Tessa.

Can Tessa help Luv overcome his feeling oppressed addiction and find the answers before the vile killer and his deadly ak-47 strike again?


	4. Chapter 4

Along came Barbra

A Vomit Inducing Romance

by Texan Tessa

Ben Dover is a porky, scruffy and dickly nurse from Scotland. His life is going nowhere until he meets Barbra Luv, a curvy, stunning man with a passion for guns.

Ben takes an instant disliking to Barbra and the butt face and unsnazzy ways he learnt during his years in Pen Island.

However, when a meanie tries to assult Ben, Barbra springs to the rescue. Ben begins to notices that Barbra is actually rather snazzy at heart.

But, the pressures of Barbra's job as a sewage cleaner leave him blind to Ben's affections and Ben takes up shoes to try an distract himself.

Finally, when arrogant bum wiper, Just Dave, threatens to come between them, Barbra has to act fast. But will they ever find the vomit inducing love that they deserve?


End file.
